Monthly Archives: December 2009

Holiday Travel? No worries if you’re Jason!

Like many people across the country and around the world, we all make the holiday trek once a year. Braving irritable crowds, standing in giant circuitous security lines at the airport, or sitting for hours amidst interminable traffic jams, everyone has to get home for the holidays. But I’m Jason Ang! This is my journey home:

Sunday, December 20, 2009, 1:55pm: My original flight was booked for 2:10, connecting in Dallas and arriving in Chicago at 11:00pm. I arrived at San Diego Airport 15 minutes before my flight because San Diego Airport rules and everyone knows it. Short lines and laid-back attitudes make for a smooth 10 minutes between my entrance and arriving at Gate 29, just in time to hear

FINAL BOARDING CALL FOR FLIGHT [i forget the number] TO DALLAS.

I run to the counter just in time, hand the gate lady my boarding pass without breaking stride and take two steps toward the jetbridge, when she stops me and says “I’m sorry we don’t have a seat for you. Please stand over there while we try to get people to volunteer to give up their seat for the next flight.” What I heard in my head was

Hahaha! Yo ass just got screwed! Move out the way while we begrudgingly try to get somebody to mess up all their holiday travel plans so you can keep yours!

Anyways, I don’t get a seat and they bump me involuntarily, which I later found out happens once every 10,040 passengers. Yaaaaay…lucky me. On the other hand though, I had no time constraints and they were about to fork over hundreds of dollars worth of compensatory money. It wasn’t such a bad situation.

2:15pm: The gate dude calls me back to the counter with some news.
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A little bit of this, a little bit of that…

So I’ll be perfectly honest with everyone. I’ve been imbibing on some caipirinhas for the past 3 or so hours, and it’s slowly becoming an ordeal to type correctly. Thank you, WordPress spell check, or else this would be a total disaster.

But Jason, it’s a weekday night, why are you drinkin’? I’ll tell you why, jerk! I’ve just completed all ten of my graduate school applications that I’ve been working on for the past three months, and I’ve had a bottle of Leblon cachaca waiting for me for just this occasion. So I can do whatever the hell I want. Which could lead to some sticky situations.

I live across the street from the Westfield UTC shopping mall. Literally across the street. I was perusing the Internet at around 10:45 pm when I saw an ad for the Macy’s one day sale. One day? When? Oh…today. Like right now, and it ends at midnight. Mind you, I’m in no shape to operate a car. So I trudge over there under the night sky and go looking for some crap I need. About five steps in I realize what a disaster this has all been. I’m in no condition to shop for crap I kind of don’t need, wandering aimlessly throughout the store.

Macy’s lady: Can I help you find anything?
Me: Uhh…….nahh I’m cool!
Macy’s lady: Alright then…

Sucks to be them, working until midnight dealing with people like me. I’m sorry. I didn’t even buy anything.

Anyways, last Monday Michelle Branch played a private show in LA for around 150 people. I don’t really know what it was for, but I scored a pair of tickets…twice, so I’d be stupid not to go. For the few of you who don’t know me, Branchy is probably my favorite musician of my short inconsequential life, so this was kind of a big-ass deal. And it delivered. Watching her from about seven feet away playing new songs and old songs, evoking memories of my adolescence, it was pretty darn cool. All acoustic, to boot. I lived every asian dude’s dream, to see Branchy up close and personal, so yall can be jealous if you want.

Along with my tickets came some Michelle Branch endorsed Lottery scratch off cards which netted me three dollars and this nifty autographed credential. So basically I got paid $3 to go see Michelle Branch with three other people. Not a bad deal.

3x $1 winner!

I don't really know why I took a photo of this.

Sorry I’m borderline coherent and this writing is not up to the high standards I’d set for myself with the last few posts. You win some, you lose some, you drink some, you booze some. That’s what I always say. (I made that up right now because it rhymed.) I’ll look back at this tomorrow morning and decide to delete it, so read it now while you can! Hurry!

Video of the Day

I may be 23 years old, but I still like a good fart joke. Doesn’t everyone? Call me immature if you want.

Just try and tell me you didn’t laugh once.

The Four Horsemen of the Esophagus

So while I was writing my last post about those unsightly sweatshirts, I stumbled across the complete opposite:

The beautiful art and science of the sport of competitive eating.

Turns out there was a major flautas eating contest, sponsored by the International Federation of Competitive Eating (IFOCE), that was about to happen right in my own backyard at Jose’s Mexican restaurant in downtown La Jolla. For those of you who aren’t aware of what a flauta is, it’s pretty much a chicken taco in a flour tortilla, rolled up and deep fried. It’s my second favorite Mexican food, next to the prodigal carne asada burrito. Flautas are essentially the Californian version of the ideal drunk food; a plate of 5 goes for about $3.50 and requires no coordination to eat.

Now, as a dedicated fan of the sport of competitive eating (yes, it is a sport,) I was skeptical that the top professional eaters in the world would actually be competing against San Diego’s amateur gluttons, but as I soon found out, Jose’s wasn’t messing around. Pat and I arrived to see eating legends Eric “Badlands” Booker and Joey Chestnut gorging on flautas in front of about 300 semi-inebriated patrons of the restaurant. We’re talking Joey freakin’ Chestnut, the greatest competitive eater the world has ever seen!

Badlands Booker far right, Joey Chestnut to his right

Watching Chestnut inhaling flautas two at a time with such speed and precision was a sight to behold. It was like watching Michael Jordan, Pablo Picasso, or Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, a person who has honed their craft to the utmost and highest degree of anyone in history. But then again, this is competitive eating, and everyone basically looked like they were stuffing their faces like pigs. Let’s be honest: it doesn’t have the grace of figure skating. After 8 minutes of spirited competition, world No. 24 Ben Monson pulled off the incredible upset and won by stomaching 65 flautas. Chestnut placed second with a “paltry” 56.

Now I don’t know about you, but after eating around 5 flautas, I usually have some sort of negative digestive reaction. I don’t need to elaborate; this is Mexican food we’re talking about. These dudes ate like, 12 times that much. It’s just amusing to think about the unofficial second round of this competition, away from prying eyes, where everyone loses. I may be slightly repulsed by flautas after today…nah what am I saying? They’re so tasty. Especially their corn cousins, the taquito or rolled taco as they are called in Diego.

Anyways I caught up with a haggard yet surprisingly upbeat Joey Chestnut after all was said and eaten:

Me: Nice try, Joey. You’ll get ’em next time.
Joey: Thanks, man.
Me: How do you feel?
Joey: UGGGGHHHHHH…I’m alright.

Check out Chestnut's distended belly.

You know today was a good day when you get to meet a man who can eat your week’s caloric requirement in 8 minutes.

First two photos compliments of twitter.com/joseslj