Protected: The Decision

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#2 Does anyone else think…?

…the new Sun Chips bag is deafeningly loud?

Harvest Cheddar is the worst flavor. Garden Salsa is the best.

There was a sale on Sun Chips at Vons the other day (Dominick’s, for my Midwest readers) and me being a sucker for colorful packaging and discounts, I reached over to the shelf and grabbed a bag. Just then, the five other people in the junk food/soda aisle all dropped to the ground screaming for me not to shoot.

Okay, so that didn’t actually happen, but that’s just how loud the bag is. Anyone who has bought themselves a bag of these new Sun Chips knows what I’m talking about. The Sun Chips marketing people recently came out with a new 100% compostable bag, which is not only eco-friendly, but it can scare away bears while camping. These new bags are made of plant-based materials, which according to their website has “different sound properties.” You damn right there’s “different sound properties!”

I guess Sun Chips has always been the junk food of choice for the naively health and environmentally-conscious Americans. They make it sound like Sun Chips are a healthy alternative to potato chips, but come on, they’re still just the sissy cousins of potato chips. Eat an apple if you want to be healthy. I just don’t see your everyday junk food lover deciding to pass on the delicious Kettle Chips for less-satisfying Sun Chips just because the bag can be tossed into your backyard. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for environmentally conscious actions, and I do hope it takes off and someday I can easily identify the foods I shouldn’t eat by how eco-friendly their packaging is.

In related news, KFC is donating a portion of its sales of pink buckets of fried chicken to the Susan B. Komen foundation. I’ll be the first to support breast cancer research, but do I even need to start explaining how inexplicably backwards this is? That even the Komen foundation says that being overweight increases your risk of breast cancer by 30 to 60%? If you want to help contribute to curing breast cancer, go participate in a Y-Me run or be a scientist like me. I just can’t envision KFC and the Komen people amicably agreeing to this. Could KFC have bought their way into this as a clever marketing ploy? Who knows. I’m not one to start conspiracy theories.

But Jason, ain’t you eatin’ a Double Down in yo’ last post? Yeah, I’m aware that I’m gleefully wolfing down the worst menu item from the one of the worst chains in the world, but we all know I won’t be eating another. Plus I didn’t ever finish it; it was only bought out of curiosity of how it would taste. I know the risks involved, and I won’t be dodging bullets like that again anytime soon.

Protected: The Greatest Adventure of All Time

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Who needs Vegas when you can Double Down at KFC?

Today, April 12, 2010 marks the day that the Double Down sandwich from KFC emerges from test markets in the Deep South and takes hold in every KFC restaurant in the United States. This monstrosity consists of two slices of bacon, two slices of Monterey Jack cheese, and Colonel’s sauce (whatever the hell that is), all wrapped up in two fried chicken fillets as the bun. If there were ever a KFC in Hell, this would be on their Dollar Menu.

The real Double Down, not the glamourized version you see on TV, with an apple for size comparison.

Hang on a second, let’s recap. Two pork products, two dairy products, and two pieces of chicken in one edible unit. It’s basically Noah’s Ark in a cardboard box. With a sandwich so obviously horrifically bad for you, let’s have a look at the nutrition numbers, and I use the term “nutrition” loosely:

Basically, you'd get equal nutrition from a slice of cheesecake sprinkled with a heavy pinch of salt and topped with an egg yolk.

Being the dedicated blogger that I am, I decided to venture out and purchase a Double Down to try for myself, so you all can experience eating this thing with me, without the atherosclerosis of actually eating it. You’re welcome.

"Should I? Shouldn't I?"

Will I eat it? Continue reading